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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26244034">Cryptomnesia</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/12oclockAM/pseuds/12oclockAM'>12oclockAM</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Homestuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, College, Deja Vu, Fluff, Gods, He's still depressed though, Humanstuck, Karkat sad :(, Karkat stop it with them thoughts, M/M, Past Lives, So uh if ya like Solkat there ya go, Solkat could be seen in the second part but Im not gonna tag it, Suicide (it already happened tho), You could say, but theyre gods, dont worry guys dave is there, mention of anorexia, mention of self harm, my b i guess, next lives, wow most of these tags are just shit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 12:59:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,529</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26244034</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/12oclockAM/pseuds/12oclockAM</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>You open your eyes, after another dream about your life thousands of years ago. You're getting kind of tired of remembering your dates and conversations with the God of Time, you apparently being the God of Blood, and not actually getting to be there with him.</p><p>It's written more in Sollux's POV then Karkat's but you still get lots o' Davekat ;)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Cryptomnesia</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is based off of a dream I had, where I was like... in a college and I knew someone because I used to know them and like... on my birthday they told me they used to know me and I was like 'Oh, Dawg, me too' an then we were besties and the entire time that person was holding a red polo cup. IDK man dreams are weird but I kind of liked this one.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You open your eyes, after another dream about your life thousands of years ago. You're getting kind of tired of remembering your dates and conversations with the God of Time, you apparently being the God of Blood, and not actually getting to be there with him. Well, technically you are, you see his reincarnate in class every day, but he doesn't remember you. And if he did, he probably wishes he didn't seeing as you left him for your own selfish way out, too scared to face immortality.</p><p> Your birthday is today, but you really couldn't care less. You don't really have anyone to celebrate it with, and you've long ago given up on hoping something will change in this dreary life you live. You aren't planning on killing yourself though; that didn't do you any good last time.</p><p> Rising from your stiff dorm room bed, you change into clothes that deem fit for a college day. Really just a baggy sweater and jeans. You know it's going to be warm outside, but just because you aren't going to kill yourself doesn't mean you aren't going to do other things.</p><p> Walking out of your room and into the small kitchen like area that contains the beloved coffee pot, you see Sollux, your roommate, on the couch. He waves, and you nod in reply. You two talk sometimes, but he doesn't know your birthday, so you aren't expecting much. You get your coffee, chug it, and grab your back pack for class. He mutters a bye, but you know he isn't expecting you to say anything in response. You aren't the loud and emotive person you were all of those years ago. He doesn't even know you were ever even like that, hell he could probably think you're mute if it wasn't for the rare conversations you both have.</p><p> The walk to class is as uneventful as it always is and always will be. The classroom you're going to now isn't really a class; it's a lecture. But you're going to call it class because you couldn't care less about school terms. Lectures and class are the exact same thing. You go through the open door to the lecture room just to bump into someone's chest. You mutter an apology, standing aside from the person. You then look up and see that that the person you just bumped into was Dave, and you feel the color drain from your face.</p><p> Dave stares at you for a second, before walking away, throwing a 'you're fine' over his shoulder. You slump slightly, walking into the lecture room.</p><p> The lecture is boring as usual, and it seems to drone on forever. You got to all of your classes and lectures for the day, two lectures and three normal classes, before you head back to your dorm. You open the door to see Sollux sitting at the couch still, him not having any classes for the day.</p><p> "Yo." He says, pausing the show on the TV and turning to look at you. "You hungry? You didn't eat any breakfast." He asks nodding to the box of pizza on the counter. "'M good." You mutter, going into your room. You see Sollux cast you a worried glance. You're not sure why though; you aren't friends.</p><p> You silently hope he doesn't see you as a friend as you lay in your bed. You don't want to give him the pain you most likely gave Dave. You don't plan on going to sleep tonight, due to the memories you get on your birthday always being the same; your death.</p><p> About an hour passes with you just staring at the ceiling, thinking. The sky outside grows orange, and your phone buzzing snaps you back to the present. You pick up your device, looking at your notifications to see an unknown number has texted you. She says her name is Kanaya, and Sollux said you and her would make good friends. You politely decline her offer to go out for coffee some time today, telling her that you don't really feel like going anywhere today. She says she understands, though you highly doubt it, and that her offer stands for whenever you feel comfortable.</p><p> Another hour passes, and Sollux lightly knocks on your door. "Come in." You say, voice raspy from disuse. Sollux peaks his head in. "Hey KK. Some dude named Dave says he wants to see you. You good with that?" At his name you shoot up, staring at Sollux with wide eyes. He looks at you questionably, before you nod, trying and failing to keep your composure.</p><p> Sollux murmurs something to someone behind him, and the opens the door wider to show none other then the Dave Strider. Dave looks at you for a minute, before walking in and hugging you. "Happy Birthday." He says into your hair. Sollux looks like if he had water in his mouth he'd spit it out, and you can't blame him, if he thought of you as a friend you'd be a pretty shitty one. You wave Sollux off with your hand, and he nods, closing the door. You take this time to hug Dave back, breaking down into a fit of sobs.</p><p>"I'm so sorry Dave, I was so fucking selfish I shouldn't have left you like that." You sob into his chest, he just hugs you tighter. "Karkat, calm down. I'm not mad. You made a choice that made sense. Sure, it was awful not being able to have you with me, but I respected your decision. Hell, I even did it after you did." You squeeze him harder into the hug. He kisses your forehead, and you are so glad to have him back.<br/>______________________________<br/>You are now Sollux Captor.<br/>______________________________<br/> You look behind you to see Karkat wander out of his room. You wave at him, he nods back. He's never been the most talkative of guys, and if you were anyone else you would think he was mute. You worry about the guy, honestly. You think he's so quiet due to trauma or something. You're the only person he ever talks to willingly, you think. He's never on his phone, so you guess he doesn't ever text anyone, and you never hear him talking to anyone in his room, so he can't ever be making phone calls. He even asks you to order the food you both decide on, when he actually wants food.</p><p> That's another thing that worries you; he never eats. You're not the healthiest guy yourself but you have a semi healthy eating schedule thanks to KN and AA. You don't sleep much due to your time being spent on your computer, so even at night you never hear his door open through these thin walls. He rarely eats breakfast, and if he does it's usually just a piece of bread or an apple.</p><p> Sometimes you'll hear him crying at night. You don't go in there, seeing as from what you've picked up on his very distinct personality that he gets embarrassed easily and probably would talk to you way less then he already does if you saw him cry. You guess he gets nightmares or something.</p><p> The few times you've seen inside of his room you've noticed that he has just about nothing in there. You might both be in dept college students but you would expect more then a dresser, a night stand, and a plain grey bed. All of which just come with the dorm in general, so all he owns really is his clothes and his regular black backpack. You think he bought the black out curtains he put up though, so at least there's that.</p><p> You see him heading to the door, and you say a goodbye. Though you know he isn't going to say anything back, he usually nods or something; afraid of being seen as rude, you assume. This time though, he doesn't even do that. He just closes the door silently, heading to his first lecture. He usually only does that after a nightmare, but you didn't hear him cry last night. What could be wrong?</p><p> You spend a few minutes pondering what could be wrong, but you just chalk it down to you not hearing him. You watch old Cartoon Network shows while you wait for him to come back, ordering pizza during the fourth episode of Over the Garden Wall. You offer him some when he gets back, hoping to get him to eat something. He declines quietly, heading towards his room.</p><p> Okay you know something is wrong now. He usually sits and watches something with you when he gets back, even if you guys don't really talk the whole time. You know he'll just tell you he's fine if you ask. You've told KN about him before, maybe if you give her his number she can get him out of his room or something. He's too polite to turn someone like her down.</p><p> You tell her your plan after about an hour, wanting to give him some time to himself before he finds a reason to get back up again. She comes back soon after you tell her, saying that he says he doesn't feel like talking to anyone today. You thank her for trying, and decide to just leave him alone, hoping he feels better tomorrow.</p><p> After about another hour you hear a knock on your door. You guess Kanaya was desperate to meet him or some shit. You chuckle to yourself, really just assuming it's AA landing a surprise visit on you. You open the door to instead see a all, pale blonde wearing aviators that make it impossible to see his eyes. You can't read his face, but by the slight furrow of his brow you can tell he isn't exactly the most joyous of dudes.</p><p> "Hi, is Karkat here?" You nod suspiciously, knowing that no one really knows Karkat. He looks relieved. "Okay, uh, can you tell him Dave is here?" You look at him for a moment longer, before nodding again. You wave a hand for him to follow you, walking over to Karkat's door and knocking gently. You hear him say you can come in, and you open the door just enough so you can fit your head into his room.</p><p>"Hey KK. Some dude named Dave says he wants to see you. You good with that." He shoots up from where he was laying, looking at you like you just murdered someone in front of him. You look at him weirdly, not knowing if that's a positive reaction or not, when he nods. You've never seen him so enthusiastic; you guess he likes Dave.</p><p> Before letting Dave in, you turn to look at him, keeping your voice down. "Hey, so, KK seems like he's had a rough day. I don't know you or what you have with him but, be gentle. He isn't the most brightest of people." You explain quietly. Dave looks sad for a moment, before nodding. You open the door to let him in, and once KK sees him he looks like he's going to cry.</p><p> Dave hugs him, murmuring something you have to strain to hear. "Happy Birthday." Holy fuck, is that why Karkat is so sad today? Did something happen for him to not like his birthday or something? Karkat looks at you sheepishly, like he feels bad he didn't tell you. You feel kind of upset he didn't tell you, but if he doesn't like his birthday you aren't going to nag at him for it.</p><p> Tears start falling from Karkat's eyes as he waves you out, wrapping his arms around Dave. You nod, walking out of his room and closing the door quietly.</p><p> As much as you don't like eavesdropping, you can't help but listen in on what they're saying. You hear Karkat muttering warbled apologies non stop, saying how he was selfish about leaving Dave or something. You guess they used to know each other. "Karkat calm down. I'm not mad. You made a choice that made sense. Sure, it was awful not having you with me, but I respected your decision. Hell, I even did it after you." You're just going to assume they mean moved away from some place, but Karkat sobs even harder after hearing that last part.</p><p> You hear a small noise, which you recognize to be kissing. Oh. Okay that makes a lot of sense then.</p><p> You kind of just sit on the couch, awkwardly waiting for one and or both of them to come out of the room. You hear the door open before shutting quietly, and you turn your head to see Dave, his shades discarded to show bright red eyes. It kind of unnerves you, but you ignore it. It seems he's been crying too, with his slightly red eye lids and nose. He turns to look at you, and you turn around fully, sitting on your knees with your arms resting on the back of the couch.</p><p> "I've never seen KK show that emotion." You joke, and he smiles sadly. "Yeah, I don't know what he's been like since the last time I saw him, God knows how long ago that was, but I know just from hugging that he hasn't been eating enough." He looks back at the door, sadly. You nod.</p><p> "Yeah, I tried to get him to eat a couple hours ago but he didn't want anything. Did something happen to him by the way? He rarely talks and I hear him crying a lot." You ask, hoping Dave has the answers you've been looking for since you've met Karkat.</p><p> He sits next to you, hands in his pocket, and you turn back around to sit on the couch normally. He sighs, combing a hair through his hair. He sounds tired, you think. Well, honestly though, who wouldn't be after about an hour of crying? "It's... a complicated story that I don't really know how to tell. But uh, he com..tried to commit suicide." He looks down at his lap.</p><p> Your own eyes widen behind your glasses. You... weren't expecting that. You can tell that Karkat must be pretty lucky to be alive seeing as Dave almost forgot to say tried. It's quiet for a minute, before Dave speaks up again. "Does he.. have any friends that you know of? Other then you. Actually- fuck I don't even know your name. Shit where are my manners- I am such a whore hold on." You snort as he turns fully towards you, holding his hand out.</p><p> "I am David E. Strider, but cool kids call me Dave. Karkat prefers Stridouche and or Dick Strider which I will admit that last one is pretty funny." Karkat had nick names for people? You shake his hand, smiling now. "Sollux P. Captor, gay fish lovers call me Sol." He smiles. "There is a story behind that gay fish thing and I want to hear it later but right now I'm gonna need you to answer my question, Lux'." You chuckle, before sitting criss cross, leaning back onto the arm of the couch.</p><p> "Well, I don't think he talks to anyone but me. He doesn't even talk to me that much so you can assume the amounts of surprise I felt when someone was here to see him." You shrug, and Dave sighs, sadly. "God, that is so unlike him." He mutters.</p><p> You blink stupidly, before you realize oh yeah; he probably wasn't always the sad husk he is now. "What was he like before... that?" Dave is quiet for a moment before he smiles, reminiscing. "Nothing like what you're saying, let me tell you." He leans back into the couch, putting his hands into his jacket's pockets and crossing his legs.</p><p> "He used to be such a loud little dude. He actually had anger issues, and couldn't keep his voice down most of the time." You look at him, your mouth open like a dead fish. He snorts, looking up at the ceiling. "He had an obsession with romance. He never got to read any books or watch any movies but God did he know his shit. All of our friends went to him for relationship advice." His smile slowly grows wider. "He was so rude but in that way that makes you know he still cares. Him saying fuck off is just an invite for you to sit with him." You have never heard Karkat cuss.</p><p> You voice your thoughts, and now he's the one looking at you with the shocked face. "Literally how? Cusses and slurs were like, half of his vocabulary. Aw man you should have heard him! He came up with the most obnoxious and creative fucking shit man. He was so dramatic about it too. Literally, I just bugged him a little more then usual and he would have a tantrum, calling me a 'feces covered shit maggot' or a 'obtuse pig lord who's mother shat him out on the wrong side of the cot'." He's giggling to himself by the time he's finished, and you would be too if you weren't so surprised at what you're hearing.</p><p> "Literally how? Dude he is such a polite person, he'd probably feel guilty if he looked at you for too long!" You joke, and he snorts. Its quiet again, until another question pops up in your head. "Who were his friends? I might know some; I know a lot of people." You've only really told KN about Karkat, but AA knows he's a shut in, not much more.</p><p> He thinks for a second. "Well, you probably won't, but there was a guy names John Egbert. Biggest prankster on the block, lemme tell you. My sister Rose Lalonde, edge lord, some guy that he considered his friend named Gamzee Makara. None of us liked him though, he was way too violent to consider friendly. Hmm, oh- another girl named Jade Harley, we both had a crush on her for a while but I dated her for a bit. Would not recommend. His older brother Kankri, Gods did he talk too much, and Terezi Pyrope. Same story as Jade; we both liked her and I ended up with her for a bit. Again, would not recommend. Like, I don't want to hate on the blind lady but she licked everything and ate chalk. I have no idea what we saw in her." He visibly shivers.</p><p> You take a moment to take in all of this, until his jumps. "Oh yeah- how the mother fuck did I forget Megido?! She's a fucking riot. I still keep tabs with her, actually." Oh- That's why Karkat ignored her!</p><p> "Fucking shit- yeah she's my girlfriend!" He looks at you with wide eyes. "YOOOO!" There is another knock on the door after you both simultaneously yell 'yo'. You open it and there, with all of her impeccable timing and glory, stands Aradia Megido. "I heard a certain Strider was in the house?" She says with her unnerving smile. Dave leans over the couch. "YOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Aradia and Dave say at the same time.</p><p> Karkat's door opens slowly, and there stands a bleary eyed Vantas, looking annoyed (a weird expression on him) and tired. "What-" He starts, until Aradia tackle hugs him. "Happy B-day Karkles!!" She yells happily, hugging him on the ground. Karkat coughs, the wind most likely knocked out of him. You stutter. "Am I really the only one who didn't know it was his birthday!?" You ask no body in particular.</p><p> Dave snorts, looking back at Karkat. "Sorry we woke you up babe." Karkat can't respond due to Aradia dragging him up by the shoulders and shaking him. "YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOU WERE ALIVE? Wait- I'm here like- EVERYDAY why didn't you say anything?!" Though she sounds upset, her face says otherwise, a wide smile being placed upon it.</p><p> Karkat groans, again, weird. "If you'd let me motherfucking talk I'd tell you!" God you are so unnerved by him raising his voice, it being scratchy due to him not usually doing that. "I thought you were mad at me for what I did, now let me up. I need a drink; I haven't talked that loud basically all of this life." That's a weird way to word it but Dave said he's creative about shit so you guess that was him doing that.</p><p> Aradia's eyes widen like a cartoon character, before she starts shaking Dave's shoulders instead. "What does he mean?! WHAT DOES HE MEAN HE ISN'T LOUD?!" "AA calm down! I don't want to get kicked out of my dorm!" You chastise her, and she grins sheepishly. Dave shrugs. "He's been sad as of late 'Radia, chill." He emphasizes 'as of late' for some reason. You feel left out on something.</p><p> Karkat comes back out, sipping a polo cup of water, Dave makes grabby hands at him. "Gimme some bro you're not the only one who sobbed their eyes out today." Karkat rolls his eyes, handing Dave the cup.</p><p> This is going to take some getting used to.</p>
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